Coping with loss

• Take all the time you need and take things at your own pace.
• Try to eat well and rest as much as you can.
• It can help to keep active in some way, such as going for a walk.
• If you are struggling to sleep it can help to find a routine and ways to relax. You might find reading a book or listening to calm music helps. Or try guided meditation for sleep like the NHS Beditation video.
• If you are having thoughts or feelings that are keeping you awake, you could try writing them down. Some people find this helps them to work through things and clear their head.
• Don’t fight your emotions or feel you can’t cry. It’s ok to share how you are feeling with others and can be an important part of grieving.
• You may want to talk to your family and friends. You might find it comforting to share memories of your loved one with people who knew them well.
• Some people find counselling helps. Counselling gives you a safe place to come to terms with your feelings, and helps you find ways to cope. You can ask your GP or look at the MIND website for help finding a counsellor. If you are working, ask your employer if they offer employee assistance programmes. Sometimes these include access to free counselling. If you live in England you can refer yourself for counselling through the NHS website. Your local hospice may also offer counselling and other support.
• Finding ways to remember your loved one may help, especially on special dates like birthdays or anniversaries. Our Together in Memory page lets friends and family leave messages and share photos in one place.
• You could try creating a memory box of items, such as pictures, letters or their favourite things. You can come back to the box when you are thinking about your loved one. Or you could make a photo album of happy memories.
• Some people find it helpful to share their loved one’s experiences of pancreatic cancer. It can be a way to process and reflect on what has happened. You could share your loved one’s story on our website. Or you could help us improve future care by adding your loved one’s experience to The Big Picture.
• If you are worried about practical things, such as work or money, Macmillan Cancer Support has information on their website. For example, you may be eligible to claim benefits if you are bereaved. Citizens Advice has information about sorting out the finances of someone who has died. This includes details about dealing with their property, taxes and benefits.
• Some people find it helpful to fundraise for a charity, as a way of doing something positive in their loved one’s memory. If you are interested in this, find out how you could fundraise for us.

It can be hard to support a child or young person who has been bereaved. Children and young people may grieve in different ways to adults, and their behaviour might change as they try to cope with their feelings. It can be hard to support them, but being open and talking about how you are feeling can help them know it is ok to share their feelings.

It can be easier for a child or young person to learn to live with a bereavement if they know in advance that the person is going to die. Having age appropriate, honest and open conversations can help them prepare for the loss.

It’s important to let their school, college or university know what has happened. They will be able to offer emotional support and help with managing their school work.

There are organisations that provide information and support for children and their families.

• If your loved one was cared for at a hospice, the hospice may provide bereavement support for their family, including children and young people.
• Cruse Bereavement Care has information and support for young people who have been bereaved on their Hope Again website. It’s a safe place where young people can learn from other young people about coping with grief.
• Winston’s Wish provides support and information for bereaved children and young people (up to the age of 25). As well as information and a helpline, they offer an online space for teenagers and young adults to talk to professionals and hear from other young people who are grieving.
• Grief Encounter supports bereaved children and young people with a range of services including workshops, a helpline and one-to-one therapy.
• Child Bereavement UK helps support children and young people (up to the age of 25) through video and telephone calls. They can also offer face-to-face support in some parts of the UK.
• Young Minds helps young people get the mental health support they need, including bereavement support.