Amy & Rosalind
Rosalind, a retired community nurse, was about to start a new chapter in her life when she was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. She moved in with her youngest daughter, Amy, so the family could support her. A year on from Rosalind’s death, Amy now tells their story.
In 2022, my mum Rosalind was just in the process of moving nearer to me, her youngest daughter. She was so excited about a new chapter in her life after being alone during Covid. She had also been a carer to my stepdad, who had a terminal lung condition, for ten years until he passed away in 2019. At 71, it was finally her time to start living her life for herself, when she got her terrible diagnosis.
The pancreatic cancer was missed at first
Mum had been to see health professionals a few times, with stomach issues. Mum did not have any obvious symptoms up to this point. She had some weight loss and some pain, but nothing that would indicate something so serious.
The diagnosis was a shock – we both needed support
After a scan, mum was tragically diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in July 2022. Initially, the doctor informed us that he felt that he would be able to operate and remove the tumour. However, after further investigation (a biopsy) it was established that it was stage 4, inoperable, and mum was given 12-18 months to live. The diagnosis was like a bolt out of the blue. It still feels extremely unbelievable at times.
Initially myself and mum felt very lost. We did not feel that we had been provided with a lot of information and had no one to speak to about our questions. We reached out to Pancreatic Cancer UK. We spoke to the nurses on the phone and used the online forum. Pancreatic Cancer UK were invaluable. I really think their support was so needed in those early days.
Mum found the treatment hard
Mum was given palliative chemotherapy to support her with her symptoms. Life became a whirlwind of appointments and medications.
She lost weight rapidly, was extremely tired and was in constant pain. Chemotherapy also made mum really sick and she had to go into hospital a couple of times because of this. So she decided to stop chemotherapy at her fifth cycle instead of completing the agreed six cycles. This was both her choice and the doctor’s recommendation.
Rosalind and her family
We supported each other as mum approached the end of her life
Mum was quite nonchalant about her diagnosis. Her concern was more for her family than herself, and in the months leading up to her passing she focused on making special memories and sorting out her affairs. She never once complained about her fate, instead constantly telling everyone that she has had a wonderful life.
Mum came to live with me when she got her diagnosis. Caring for and supporting her was the best and hardest thing I’ve ever done. She needed constant care and was seen twice a day by the palliative care team. Sadly, her cognition began to suffer. This was extremely hard for the family to witness, and one of the saddest things was when she couldn’t remember who her children were and how upset this made her.
All of the family came together and supported mum as much as possible during this time. Mum had worked as a community nurse and was well respected and adored in the local community. I think her medical background and caring nature made mum face her diagnosis head on and with such amazing courage. It was such an honour for her children to be able to support her in her time of need, like she had for so many during her life.
Mum went into a local hospice in her final week, and passed away on the 15th June 2023, 11 months after her diagnosis. Having hospice care was mum’s decision and it was absolutely the right choice. The support and respect that they gave us all was amazing.
Mum inspired us to keep raising awareness
Mum has three grown children and was a proud grandmother to one grandchild. She was the matriarch of our family and her loss has left a massive hole. We are trying to figure out now not only how to live life without her but also how to honour her memory and remember what an amazing mother she was to us all.
She showed such enormous strength and courage during those months and still worried about everyone she was leaving behind. Mum registered on a clinical trial and raised money for pancreatic cancer. She also left money in her will for research, and to the hospice. Mum hoped that this would be able to help just one person or family going through the same thing. This was such a testament to her caring nature and we were so proud of everything she achieved, especially whilst she was so ill.
We miss her every day and still feel in shock because of what has happened. But as a family we wish to continue to raise awareness of pancreatic cancer. We also feel extremely lucky that we got 11 months with her after her diagnosis, as we know that this is not always the case. Although that time was extremely hard, we did laugh and have such amazing memories of those times.
We love you mum. Thank you for everything and rest in eternal peace. x
Amy
July 2024
