Jade & Tracey
Jade’s mum, Tracey, was 55 when she was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer, which had spread to her liver and lungs. She sadly died just three months after her diagnosis. Jade talks about the support they got from a local hospice, and how she has coped with the loss of her mum.
My Mum had always been very active, had a real love for life and would give anything a go, a true inspiration to us all.
Symptoms started to show, but they weren’t recognised
In May 2023, my Mum started to suffer from abdominal pains and indigestion.
The doctor believed she had picked up a bacterial gut infection and she was placed on three weeks of antibiotics. By early June, the infection had not cleared, the pain was excruciating, and Mum was losing sleep and having to cut days of work, which was not in her nature. The GP continued to give her antibiotics, antacid medication and extremely powerful painkillers. As they wore off it was as if the pains were becoming worse.
The end of June, Mum turned up to my house and said that I would have to drive her home as she could not continue working or driving in the pain she was in. Mid July, we were getting ready for a concert and Mum was unsure she would attend, but we encouraged her as we needed to get her out of the house; the concert was a real struggle.
After mid-July, Mum’s health really deteriorated. She continued to go back to the GP and A&E multiple times highlighting her symptoms but was told she would have to wait as the case was not urgent.
She was finally diagnosed
It was when she returned to a different GP who referred her for a scan immediately that we finally received the answers. The week that had started with my first wedding anniversary and the birth of my parents’ first grandson, ended with Mum’s diagnosis. I remember sitting at home all day waiting for the call, my stepfather called and by the tone on the phone I knew “its cancer” and we fell apart. My Husband and I got to them as soon as we could. We were informed that she had stage 4 pancreatic cancer and that the treatment options were to extend life.
Mum suffered multiple complications as a result of the cancer which had spread to her liver and lungs. This meant she never got to receive any treatment as she was just too weak.
We did all we could to support her
The family rallied around her, and my in-laws would host afternoons in the garden and ‘afternoon tea’ to keep life as normal for her. But mum lost a lot of mobility and experienced huge amounts of pain which meant she had little energy and would have to spend time in bed.
She struggled with hospital, but the hospice was great
In August, Mum was admitted to hospital, tests revealed her tumour was blocking the bile duct and surgery to fit a stent would be needed. The first attempt failed, and Mum was in excruciating pain and highly distressed. A few days later the stent was successfully inserted, but she was struggling mentally with the hospital setting and the tubes around her.
We managed to arrange her recovery to take place at a local hospice. The palliative care nurses were incredible and continued to be throughout this visit, readmissions and community care.
Mum remained in the hospice for three weeks and the nurses and my stepfather arranged for her to have an afternoon out for my 27th birthday. I was with Mum every day after work, spending as much time as possible, doing her hair and watching trashy TV. However, to have her back at home was the best gift I could have ever had, particularly as I knew this was the last birthday I would get to spend with her. Mum never wished to know timelines and still took as much out of life as she could.
Following the successful home visit, the hospice were happy with her recovery and the fitting of her syringe driver to manage the pain better. They allowed mum to return home to community care with a nurse visiting once a day.
Tracey had a love for life
Mum stayed strong
We enjoyed three weeks of memory making, walks with mum in her wheelchair and time with the family whenever we could.
However, in late October I visited Mum and she really wasn’t well, the syringe driver was not managing her pain any longer. Mum expressed that she wanted to go into the hospice now and could not continue with the pain at home. As my stepdad and I sat downstairs for lunch, whilst the nurse was with mum, we heard her say she knew it was the end and she wanted to be comfortable.
The following evening, Mum was taken to the hospice where we were informed we were looking at days left with her. The team at the hospice were incredible. We got to spend all day and night with her, my stepdad, siblings and partners, as well as my uncle and aunt. This was the most incredibly heart-breaking time for all of the family. Mum remained strong, expressed her wishes and told me to ‘always stay strong and fight’. On Sunday the 29th October, Mum slept and as my stepdad finished the story of how they had met she slipped away. She was just 55 when she passed away, 3 months after her diagnosis.
Coping with loss
My Mum was the most amazing, strong and resilient person, who fought until the very end despite the difficulties she faced. She gave a list of lifetime wishes and continues to be with us in every single thing we do. She was a great Mum, Wife, Nanny, Auntie, Sister and friend, everyone who met her loved her and she would make everyone smile with the positivity for life she had.
Prior to Mum’s passing, I had signed up to a Pancreatic Cancer running event in November and we had joked about how I was going to push her in her chair whilst I ran. I continued with the challenge, to honour the promise I made to Mum, and it turned out to be one of the biggest tools, alongside working with my amazing therapist and the supportive circle around me, that meant I could get through those days without her. We raised £2,400 for Pancreatic Cancer UK. The information they provide through the website, information packs and nurses meant we could understand the condition and what could make Mum more comfortable; we also wanted to raise money to fund research into earlier diagnosis to help someone in the future not suffer in this way.
Mum, you were and continue to be the biggest inspiration in my life. Life without you is difficult, you were the light in our lives, and we continue to live with you in our hearts and in every single thing we do. We love you forever and always.
Jade
September 2024
