Katie & Fiona
Katie's mum, Fiona, was the life and soul of the party who always put her family's needs first. She was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in April 2023 and sadly died later that summer. Katie reflects on the difficult time she and her family have faced and her mum's legacy.
Mum’s symptoms and diagnosis
During Christmas 2022, Mum (Fiona) thought she had overdone it over the festive season. But after a ski trip in January 2023 with my step dad, Mum knew something wasn’t right. Her appetite was reduced, she was feeling discomfort after eating and had a dull pain in her back.
After a visit to her GP, Mum gathered my sisters and I on a video call to tell us the doctors wanted her to go for further tests and were taking it very seriously. The GP was so concerned, they called her later the same day and asked if she was able to book a private scan to be seen sooner. The scan showed a mass pressing on her stomach.
Mum was the last person anyone would imagine getting sick. She lived life to the full, took care of herself and was the life and soul of the party.
Katie and Fiona
She was so positive
At this point I was five months pregnant with my first child. Following her GP appointment, Mum set to work cooking up a storm in the kitchen. She wanted to fill my freezer so that when my baby arrived we would be eating healthy and nutritious mummy-cooked meals. Sadly the meals lasted longer than she did.
Mum remained positive and adamant she would get better. In April 2023, when it was confirmed she had pancreatic cancer, she didn’t google her diagnosis and remained optimistic. She was so positive, my sisters and I wondered if we were exaggerating how bad her diagnosis was. I spoke to Pancreatic Cancer UK, the team at the local Maggie’s centre and had a group meeting with her oncologist and all confirmed how bleak the outlook was.
Mum was determined to be ok for the birth of my baby
My midwives and Mum’s medical team were very aware of my due date and Mum’s deterioration, there was a ticking clock on both sides. As hard as she was fighting, her pain was getting worse and she was losing weight drastically. The cancer was spreading fast, however Mum’s fighting spirit wasn’t diminished. She was determined to meet my baby. Reflecting back this was more for my sake than hers. I found out the sex of my baby and had it written in a sealed envelope to open with Mum in case she didn’t survive until the birth.
During Mum’s final months, weeks and day, she selflessly and consistently said I had to prioritise her unborn grandchild. She didn’t once put herself first throughout the process, hiding her pain during chemotherapy, which failed and from the aggressive cancer. She put on such a brave face for those around her.
Baby Tara Fiona arrives
Surrounded by her extended family, baby Tara Fiona met her Granny in the family home. Mum was dressed in her elegant attire. She held, cuddled and cooed over Tara, gently stroking her little face while whispering “Hello, I’m your Granny.” Two hours later Mum was admitted to the hospice. That was the first and last time she properly held her granddaughter.
The next day, Mum had drastically deteriorated, it was like she had been holding on so tight and was now able to let go. Initially we had hoped she would only go into the hospice to sort her medication and control her pain. My step dad had been doing an amazing job in his new role as her carer, but her pain was increasing and changing so quickly, they needed the hospice’s help.
Losing my mum
She died on the 4th of August 2023 after 10 days in the hospice.
It breaks my heart that my daughter won’t know her granny and that I don’t have my mum to help me as I learn to become a mum.
Whilst she is not around to help with the highs and lows of motherhood, she taught and instilled in me many things; how to be strong in the face of adversity, how to be selfless and how to put her family’s needs before her own and for that I am so grateful.
