Kirsty & Susan
Kirsty’s mum Susan was living abroad when she was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. She returned to the UK to spend time with her family before starting treatment. Sadly, Susan died before any treatment could start, 15 days after her diagnosis. She was 62. Kirsty reflects on their shock at her mum’s diagnosis and death, and her determination to live life to the full.
My mum
Mum was a teacher at an international school in Cairo and had been for 10 years. She was a devoted educator who cared deeply for her students but was also looking forward to taking early retirement soon. She was a big animal lover and had rescued 16 cats of her own. Mum had a huge, caring heart and would sit for hours chatting with people from all walks of life.
Worrying symptoms
In January 2024, Mum experienced abdominal pain and a loss of appetite, which she thought was due to her gallstones. In February, she had an abdominal ultrasound that revealed a fatty liver, and she was advised to make changes to her diet. Mum was relieved but also confused, as she had been a vegan for five years and maintained a healthy diet. However, six weeks passed, and Mum was losing weight drastically and began to turn jaundiced, prompting her to seek a second opinion. After blood tests and scans, Mum was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. This shocking news came out of nowhere, and even though Mum put on a brave face, I knew she was terrified.
Coming home to the UK
A few days later, Mum had to undergo an operation to place a stent in her bile duct to stop the blockage that was occurring and to help with the jaundice. The operation was a success, and Mum planned to come to the UK to see her family. She was determined to get to the UK, and we made a plan for us both to fly back to Cairo for her to start chemotherapy. Mum was nervous about the thought of chemo and I am not sure if she would have had it.
On April 5th, I collected Mum from the airport. She looked incredibly unwell and had to use a wheelchair due to her fatigue. Over the next few days, Mum spent a lot of time sitting in my garden with us and her three grandsons. Looking back, I am very grateful for those moments. During that time we spoke about mum coming back to the UK to live with us and we had started to make plans.
On Monday, April 8th, Mum felt extremely tired and experienced significant discomfort in her stomach, which the oncologist said was due to trapped wind. Mum was a determined woman and wanted to do things on her terms, which I respected. She did not want to go to the hospital, but in the end, I called an ambulance due to her feeling very unwell.
My last memory of Mum
Three hours later, on Tuesday, April 9th, 2024, Mum passed away due to multiple pulmonary embolisms, which the doctor informed me can be a result of pancreatic cancer. We had no idea that Mum was at high risk. The last memory I have is of Mum waving to me from the ambulance, and she was in no pain as she had been given pain relief.
Coping with the shock of losing Mum
It was only 15 days from the diagnosis of cancer to Mum’s death. It all happened so suddenly that I think I have been in a state of shock for months. Three months have passed, and I struggle every day, feeling angry that Mum did not get a chance at treatment. However, I try to remind myself that Mum did not have to suffer and that she was with me when she passed away. Her final days were spent in our home and with family, which made her feel safe and relaxed. I feel robbed that we did not have more time together and that if we had known the signs, Mum might have had a longer prognosis. It breaks my heart that Mum could not take her early retirement, but I also know she would have wanted me to live my life. Therefore, in memory of my mum, my family has bought a towing caravan, and our little family will travel, which was one of Mum’s loves.
Kirsty
July 2024
