Communicating with your loved one

It can be hard to know how to talk about cancer with someone close to you. Both you and your loved one may struggle to talk about it. All families communicate differently, and for some, there can be a stigma around discussing cancer.

But finding ways to communicate can help you both feel better emotionally and can even bring you closer. The following tips may help.

• Try to have an open conversation about what support your family member needs and what you can offer. This can help to avoid confusion or disagreements later on. It can also help you make plans.
• Focus on practical things and agree how some situations should be handled. This may include deciding how to tell or update other family or friends.
• Try to keep talking to each other regularly, as things may change.
• Make time and space for conversations, so there are chances to talk about how you are both feeling.
• Keep in mind that your loved one may not always want or feel able to talk. They may also hide their own concerns or feelings to try and protect you or others.

There will be times when one or both of you is feeling upset or stressed and communication may be more difficult. It can help to get support for yourself if this is happening.

When someone doesn’t want to talk

Some people may not want to talk about their cancer at all. This is a natural reaction and may be their way of coping with it. Try to show that you are ready and open to talking yourself. This may encourage your loved one to open up. There are other things you can do to help.

• Do not pressure them – allow them to talk whenever they feel ready.
• Show them that you are open to listening, giving plenty of opportunities for them to talk. When they do talk, don’t interrupt or judge them. They may not need you to give advice or solutions, just show that you are listening.
• Do things you enjoy together and talk about things other than the cancer. It can help to ease any tension and may help them to open up in time.
• Support them to be the person they were before they had cancer – whether that’s your parent, partner or friend. It can help to maintain their sense of identity.
• If they find it hard talking to you, ask them whether they would like to talk to someone else. This might be another family member or friend, their nurse or a counsellor.

You can still talk to other people yourself for support. This may include friends and family. If you prefer to talk someone who doesn’t know you or your loved one, try online forums or social media groups. You may want to talk to a counsellor or your GP too.

Macmillan Cancer Support have more information on talking about cancer.

Relationships with partners

If your partner has cancer, it can have a big impact on your relationship, both physically and emotionally. Coping with difficult feelings and changes in your roles can add stress to your relationship. But some people find they grow closer going through something like cancer together.

The stress of dealing with cancer, as well as symptoms and side effects of treatment, may make an intimate relationship difficult. Try to discuss things openly with your partner. You may find you are experiencing similar emotions. You can try different ways of spending time together, or of having a physical connection.

Your partner’s medical team can explain how treatments may impact on sex and intimacy. Don’t be afraid to ask them if you have any questions.

May 2024

To be reviewed May 2027